A woman stands before a display of small boxes in a store aisle, staring at a familiar face. A female shopper approaches. “Excuse me,” she says, pointing to a box. “Is that you?” “It used to be,” the woman confesses, then quickly walks away. I’ve been watching the Netflix Original Series, Grace and Frankie. The show stars Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin as seventy-year-olds forced to start over after their husbands left them for each other. There are many reasons I like the show (perhaps I’ll write more about it another time), but for now I want to focus on […]
Continue readingYearly Archives: 2015
What Your Ex Can Teach You… About You
I’ve long stated that speaking badly about your ex only reflects negatively on you. And that’s still true: if you spend lots of time and energy painting your ex as a wholly no-good, dirty-down, stayin’-out-late cocker spaniel… well then, you’ll have to admit you’re the one who committed yourself to a dog. Isn’t it better for your own ego to (at least publicly) focus on the positive attributes of the cocker spaniel? That said, there is something to be gained by examining the flaws of an ex. But it’s not your personal power and self-confidence, it’s a deeper understanding of yourself. […]
Continue readingWhat is a Successful Marriage?
I used to think the general consensus was that a “successful marriage” meant the couple stayed together until parted by death. Perhaps that’s the most prevalent assumption, but it seems I was wrong in thinking timing was the primary definition of marital achievement. A few weeks ago, I was discussing marriage and divorce with a friend who believes our culture is too accepting of divorce. She told me that even people in her church family have divorced without social consequence in their community of worship. (I hypothesize the divorced might feel differently) “I think it’s really sad when people can’t […]
Continue readingLet’s Talk About Failed Marriages
If you listen, you’ll hear a lot of talk about failed marriages. But what’s the real topic in such discussions? The answer is divorce. Divorce is indicative of a failed marriage (at least for those who choose to use such terminology), but the truth is the marriage failed long before a divorce was set in motion. Yet nobody talks about those failures because the marriage is still “intact.” Marriage ceremonies feature sacred vows which are supposed to bind two people to each other for as long as they both shall live. In most cases, some version of “til death do […]
Continue readingDid S/he Cheat? Does it Matter?
Several years ago I had the feeling my partner was having an affair. When I questioned him, he told me I was crazy, insecure and possessive. During that period of our relationship, he did a lot of screaming while I did a lot of crying. Did he cheat on me? I couldn’t prove it, and he insisted he was innocent, so I stayed in the relationship. Since then, I’ve heard many similar stories from people who desperately want to believe the best about their partners. Sometimes they justify, “it was only an emotional affair.” Sometimes they fall back on The […]
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