Reduce the Divorce Rate: Make Marriage Harder.

How can we reduce the divorce rate? It’s a question that lots of people ask. And there are lots of suggested answers… many involve making it harder to get divorced: increase waiting times for a decree, insist on counseling first, go back to needing grounds, etc. Perhaps they’re right. Perhaps less people would get divorced if it was a more arduous process. You know what’s funny to me? All this talk about divorce… and so little talk about marriage. I mean, how can you talk about one without the other? You can’t truly address the divorce rate as a “problem” […]

Continue reading

I Wish People Would Stop Their Judgment of Divorce.

I encounter a lot of judgment around divorce. Even sometimes from those who are divorced. Lately I’ve been asking for it. I started posting unofficial polls on social media to see what people have to say about the topic. Many people think they have it allllll figured out. As if this “problem” of divorce can be summed up in a couple short sentences. “Couples just give up too easily.”“These young people don’t value commitment.”“Divorce is too easy to get.”“Divorce has become too acceptable.”“We live in a throw-away culture.” It reminds me of a conversation I had several years ago. I […]

Continue reading

How To Deal With Your Ex’s New Partner In Public

You might hate your ex’s new partner.  Lots of people do.  S/he might have been the affair partner that you blame for the demise of your marriage.  You might think this new person is too young, too old, too smart, or not smart enough. You might occasionally encounter your ex’s new partner in a public setting.  And it doesn’t feel good.  It might be an unexpected encounter at the grocery store.  Maybe you work at the same place.  Or this new person might be in attendance at your child’s events. The thought of this fills you with dread.  And the actual occurrence […]

Continue reading

Conflict Is A Canyon

You don’t have to be divorced to know conflict.  We have conflicts with people in all areas of our lives:  our parents, children, coworkers, cashiers, neighbors, friends, friends-of-friends, random people on Facebook… this list goes on… There are different ways to deal with conflict.  Some conflicts can be avoided.  Sometimes people dig their heels in and compete.  Sometimes they back down and accommodate.  Some conflicts are solved via simple compromise (although that usually isn’t ideal). Most of the time, true peace and healing (for both sides) comes from collaboration.  That is, when both sides are willing to sit down and dive […]

Continue reading

Oral Surgery and Emotional Wounds (Part 2)

More Lessons Learned as My Oral Saga Continued In Part 1 of this post, I wrote about emotional wounds and the misery that followed my gum graft surgery. I’m sorry to report that things did not get better after that. The Friday night after my Monday morning procedure, the pain in my palate got worse. Saturday, the swelling had subsided and I could cry, so I did. Every day.  It hurt to breathe. Eating was agony. Talking wasn’t much better. The area around the incision swelled and became red. I called the periodontist’s office. I sent a photo. They told […]

Continue reading