A Post-Divorce Letter to The Ex

pen and paperThe subject of today’s post comes from an old friend of mine and regular reader of Relative Evolutions.  A few years ago, Lauren made the difficult decision to leave her marriage.  Today, she reflects on her journey in the following letter to The Ex…


Dear You,

Three years have gone by since I rocked your world, blindsided you, and probably broke your heart.

Please know that my decision to leave was largely based on my discontent with myself, and had little to do with you.  I firmly believe that if you don’t love yourself, you can’t possibly love someone else.  I hated myself, and didn’t want to drag you along for the ride.  So I begin this with an apology.

I’m sorry I hurt you.  I’m sorry I wasn’t the wife you expected to get.  I’m sorry I wasn’t the rest of your life like we thought.  

There comes a time in life, and I suppose the finalization of our divorce is as good a moment as any, when we have to thank the people that came into our lives and the ones that have let us go.  I have to thank you for both.

Thank you for loving me, unconditionally. 

But also, thank you for letting me go.

I’ve learned a tremendous amount about myself in these three years.

I’ve learned I can’t be everything to just one person.  I know now that I can’t control everything, nor do I want to; life is so much better NOT knowing.  Materialism is no longer my way of life; living broke for a long time makes that no longer a viable option.  THINGS no longer rule my life; I derive enjoyment from the people that surround me and the life I’ve made for myself. 

I’m doing everything I’ve ever wanted to do.  I write for a living, I’m a writer, can you believe that?  I’ve seen places and things I never thought I would see.  I’ve also been knocked the fuck down, dragged through the dirt, and had to start over more than I’d like to admit.  The strangest part?  I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I did love you, with all my heart.  It broke me to hurt you.  You were my best friend in the world, and I’ll never forget you.  It is because of your love that I’ve been able to have the life I have since I left.  So once again, thank you for letting me be the selfish bitch that left.



Three years after sitting in my living room and hearing the news of her separation, I couldn’t be more proud of Lauren.  She risked everything with a leap into the Vast Unknown.  She learned.  She grew.  She created a new, more fulfilling life for herself, and her wonderfully written words are finally reaching the masses.

I asked if Lauren planned to send the letter to her ex.  She told me she’d like to, but he’s a different person now and she doesn’t know how he’d take it.  I understand.  Experiences can change us to the point where we speak different languages, and even the best intended sentiments might be interpreted as a painful attack.  Sometimes all we can do is heal ourselves and energetically release our love and gratitude into The Universe, trusting the message will reach the intended recipient.

Have you ever written a letter like this?  Have you ever received a letter like this?

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  1. Thank you, Lauren and Tara, for sharing this letter. I can relate to Lauren’s story, and I hope to grow as much as she has after my recent break-up.

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