In a recent article for DivorcedMoms.com, I stated my preferred “No Shower, No Gifts” policy to go into effect in the event that I get married again. I’m a grown woman with a house full of stuff, and I imagine I’d marry a man of similar description. Why would we need gifts? Ok, maybe something silly like face socks, but certainly nothing of great substance. A friend argued against my suggestion. “Presents are always appropriate,” Missy insisted. Several days later, I asked Missy how she feels about the idea of giving gifts for a divorce. “I’d do it for a […]
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If a Good Divorce is Possible, Why Not Stay Married?
I hear the question all the time, “Well, if two people can have an amicable divorce then why don’t they stay married?” I suppose it’s a reasonable question. In order to answer it, I ask that you take a mental voyage with me. Let’s go to a playground full of frolicking children… It’s a hot, sunny day and a group of kids are having a discussion. Child #1 points to the sky. “That cloud looks like a bowl of ice cream.” Child #2 exclaims, “I love ice cream!” Child #3, in a sing-songy voice, replies, “Then why don’t you marry it?” […]
Continue readingThe Real Reason for My Peaceful Divorce
My ex and I had a peaceful divorce; one full of cooperation, communication and compassion. It cost less than $400 and took only as much time as the state required. When I refer to my experience, some people dismiss me. After all, I’m the exception, not the norm. Most divorces are ugly and expensive because most exes are assholes. And I couldn’t understand that, because my ex is obviously a really great person, otherwise I would’ve had a more typical divorce. As I read about divorce I find more and more articles to help people identify and deal with various […]
Continue readingMarriage is a Womb. Divorce is a Birth.
Marriage is a womb. Divorce is a birth. This metaphor has been taking form in my head for months… I figured it was time to write it down. Have you ever considered it this way? In the beginning of a marriage, there is room to grow. We are warm and protected and the environment is nourishing. It’s fun… safe… soothing… and comforting to know that we are cared for by another. And then things change. Sometimes we feel too cramped and we reach out in search of greener pastures. Other times we are extricated from the womb by unforeseen forces. […]
Continue readingA Post-Divorce Letter to The Ex
The subject of today’s post comes from an old friend of mine and regular reader of Relative Evolutions. A few years ago, Lauren made the difficult decision to leave her marriage. Today, she reflects on her journey in the following letter to The Ex… Dear You, Three years have gone by since I rocked your world, blindsided you, and probably broke your heart. Please know that my decision to leave was largely based on my discontent with myself, and had little to do with you. I firmly believe that if you don’t love yourself, you can’t possibly love someone […]
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