Healing the Individual

“I don’t like being told that I can ‘do better’.  That’s not comforting; it’s insulting.” The words came from Stacy, a friend who recently ended a cohabitory (not a word, I know) relationship.  The end had been forecast for some time, yet it still brought anger and tears when it came.  The ache persisted beyond the moving-out process and the hole in Stacy’s life is still a painful reality. “If he’s so awful, that means I have bad taste,” she complained.  “And what’s wrong with me that I spent so much time with someone who is so far beneath me?” […]

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Separation and the Gift of Self

In the summer of 2006, my dad helped me set up a stereo in my post-marital-separation residence.  The best thing about the stereo was that it featured a turntable, and I had plenty of old vinyl to spin.  After making sure that everything was hooked up correctly, I dropped the needle onto Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here, then sat down on the floor (I had no furniture).  When the music enveloped me, I released my body backward, onto the hardwood, and laughed out loud. I think my father worried that I was crying, but my emotion-of-the-moment was far from […]

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Crescent Lunge

What a Crescent Lunge Taught Me About Love

One Saturday morning in a yoga class, I rose into a crescent lunge and prepared to bend back, possibly far enough to peek at the wall behind me. “Sink into your hips, and build the pose,” my teacher instructed.  She explained how important it is to ground down in order to feel the energy rise up.  She stressed strength in the core as she told us to grow taller on the inhale and open our hearts as we exhaled.  (in yoga, as in life, “Inhale:  grow taller.  Exhale:  go deeper.)  “Don’t just jack your back,” she cautioned.  “You’ll hurt yourself.” […]

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What I Learned From My Favorite Ex

When I think about My Favorite Ex, I’m reminded of the quote from Jeff Brown: “You don’t measure love in time. You measure love in transformation.” When I was a senior in high school I dated the guy who would become My Favorite Ex. I continue to credit him with making me who I am.  Before Tripp, I was a good girl who didn’t question much about what I’d been taught:  get good grades, obey authority, don’t take drugs, don’t talk to strangers, etc. Tripp was different than anyone I’d hung out with before.  He went to a different, much larger, […]

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The Storm of Divorce

Today is a stormy day. All those smart weatherpeople use fancy words to describe what’s happening, but the gist of it is this: “This is a dark time. Things are gonna get ugly. Stuff is gonna get broken.”

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