I used to think the general consensus was that a “successful marriage” meant the couple stayed together until parted by death. Perhaps that’s the most prevalent assumption, but it seems I was wrong in thinking timing was the primary definition of marital achievement. A few weeks ago, I was discussing marriage and divorce with a friend who believes our culture is too accepting of divorce. She told me that even people in her church family have divorced without social consequence in their community of worship. (I hypothesize the divorced might feel differently) “I think it’s really sad when people can’t […]Continue reading
Category Archives: marriage
Did S/he Cheat? Does it Matter?
Several years ago I had the feeling my partner was having an affair. When I questioned him, he told me I was crazy, insecure and possessive. During that period of our relationship, he did a lot of screaming while I did a lot of crying. Did he cheat on me? I couldn’t prove it, and he insisted he was innocent, so I stayed in the relationship. Since then, I’ve heard many similar stories from people who desperately want to believe the best about their partners. Sometimes they justify, “it was only an emotional affair.” Sometimes they fall back on The […]Continue reading
What if We Did Marriage Like We Do Divorce?
According to the letter of the law, marriage and divorce are much the same: it all boils down to a legal document. That being said, let’s imagine what life would be like if we treated the marriage process the same way we do the divorce process… “Hi, I’m Max Attorney,” the man introduced himself. Annabelle reached out and shook his hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m Annabelle Engaged.” She followed Max into a spacious office and took a seat in front of his mahogany desk. “Now,” Max began. “What brings you here today?” Annabelle cleared her throat and straightened her […]Continue reading
Marriage is a Womb. Divorce is a Birth.
Marriage is a womb. Divorce is a birth. This metaphor has been taking form in my head for months… I figured it was time to write it down. Have you ever considered it this way? In the beginning of a marriage, there is room to grow. We are warm and protected and the environment is nourishing. It’s fun… safe… soothing… and comforting to know that we are cared for by another. And then things change. Sometimes we feel too cramped and we reach out in search of greener pastures. Other times we are extricated from the womb by unforeseen forces. […]Continue reading
What About “Unconscious Coupling?”
I have to say, I’m ecstatic about Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s “conscious uncoupling”. While the public reactions are mixed, the general buzz is wonderful. As a culture, we NEED to talk more about this stuff. Let’s keep it rolling please. Let’s bring divorce out of the shadows and continue to discuss and dissect it. It is, after all, a fact of life for millions. …But with all the existing coverage of the topic, I didn’t sit down today to write about conscious uncoupling (which is really just a fancy way of saying GOOD Divorce™). Quite the opposite, in fact. […]Continue reading