On this Independence Day, in addition to honoring the holiday itself, I’m all about celebrating the many facets of my personal independence and my unique identity.
When it comes to relationships, the idea of personal independence can get trampled by the white horse one’s partner rode in on. Not only are personal sacrifices/compromises necessary to sustain a partnership (on some level, they are), but we’ve also been programmed to need another in a way that can ultimately prove to be quite unhealthy. Who remembers this swoon-worthy scene from the movie, Jerry Maguire?
It’s a fabulous thought, isn’t it? Ah, to find someone who completes you… Too bad it’s bullshit.
“Completing” another person is a huge and impossible responsibility. Especially when we can neither be present 100% of the time nor can we read his/her mind. I’m not going to get into all the complicated outcomes of this line of thinking, it’s far too depressing.
When a relationship ends, we feel broken and incomplete. Margaret Atwood once said, “Divorce is like an amputation. You survive, but there’s less of you.” I disagree. My personal experience has always been to find more of myself at the conclusion of a partnership. I think the keyword there is “find”… you kinda have to look for it in the darkness. Eventually, the world illuminates once again and you will greet yourself.
On this Independence Day, I’m celebrating the fact that I complete me and I am enough. And so are you. Whether you’re happily coupled, miserably coupled or on your own, take some time today to recognize the person that only you and you alone can be.
We are enough indeed. Thank you, Tara.
Excellent! WE must be self-complete to contribute to a partnership in a healthy way. We can only be free to choose another when we don’t need that person.
Key word: “choose.”
Excellent statement!
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