Mother’s Day Gratitude

I signed on to Facebook last night and saw the following status from a friend of mine:

“Thank you to my wonderful sons for making my mother’s day very special. Thank you also to my husband who has shared this journey with me.”

Amidst all the other Mother’s Day messages, this one stood out to me because my friend openly thanked her husband.  After 30 years of marriage, he has indeed ‘shared the journey’ with her.  Yet, even if he hadn’t been there all this time, he was the man who made her a mother.  And, of course, that made me think about Mother’s Day as it relates to all of the families evolving through separation and divorce.

Since I haven’t produced any offspring of my own, I can’t comment from a personal perspective on this one…. it just seems logical that divorced parents should think of each other on Mother’s/Father’s Day.  So I’d like to ask those of you who are separated from the other parent of your child(ren):  Whether “he made me a mom” or “she’s the mother of my children”… did you appreciate your ex yesterday?

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  1. No from both sides. He did help the kids do a little something. Which I had to spell out for him last year. Sorry, it’s just not going to be like that- I won’t ever get that kind of niceness from him. I used to give like that and it made no difference. It’s not worth my effort. Sorry to be such a negative nelly!

  2. Ummm… no. I always take the time to go out and get something for my son to give to her on Mother’s Day but she has never done the same for me on Father’s Day.
    I don’t do it for her. I do it for him, so that he will feel the joy in giving her something. But she always manages to make him feel bad for not giving me something on Father’s Day. I haev to spend a little bit of time each year cheering him up on Father’s Day. Doesn’t seem fair.

  3. My “wasbund” sent me a text message that said: Happy Mother’s Day Sheri. You are truly amazing.

    He left me about six years ago for another woman. He recognizes now that he made a mistake. I appreciate his kind words regardless of the situation. I will say something nice to him on Father’s Day. Having a cordial relationship makes it easier on everyone – although I realize it is not possible in every divorce.

  4. Honestly, the ex didn’t cross my mind on Mother’s Day. I was too busy having fun with the kids. Mother’s Day is now for us, the mother and children, and also for thanking my own wonderful mother, who lives far away.

    Actually, last weekend was another one of “his” weekends, but he decided he was too busy to see his own children. They don’t need to know about that, though. I made up some excuse for him.

    He doesn’t acknowledge Mother’s Day, nor does he encourage the kids to do anything for their mother. But then he seldom sees them these days.

    It wasn’t a man who made me a mother. It was two separate doses of sperm ejected by him.

  5. The parenting plan for SD (15) says she spends Mothers Day with her mom. She and her brother (20) are old enough to do for their mom on their own, and they do. This year, they arranged a lunch with mom and maternal grandma and other family.

    We do not engage with mom on Mothers Day. Although this year, she sent husband an email on Mothers Day. Asking him to pay half of the last therapy session for SS. The therapy session after which therapist told husband, “I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance to say anything yesterday in session, but it was very helpful for me to see mom spend the whole hour yelling at son and see how he sank into his chair because now I know what I am dealing with (probably borderline personality disorder) and I know what techniques to teach son to help him defend himself from her attacks.”

    And husband had to pay $85 for the privilege of watching. I think if it gets therapist to teach SS techniques to defend himself, it is worth every penny. 

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