Why Do I Love Divorce?

I love divorce

I love divorce

I’ve made the statement several times over the years:  “I love divorce!”

My words are typically met with raised eyebrows and nervous laughter. It’s not unusual for people to tell me how unusual they find my declaration to be. And inevitably, someone will ask me (through a pained expression), “Why?” There are a few reasons…

 

I love divorce because it’s been a positive factor in my life.  When my parents got divorced, my life improved.  When I got divorced, my life improved.  Neither of those divorces was excessively painful nor costly.

I love divorce because it’s a fascinating topic.  I became a student of divorce shortly after separating from my ex-husband. Since then, I’ve learned about various legal strategies, alternatives to legal strategies, negotiation tactics, the team players a couple can involve, well-adjusted families, separation ceremonies, parental alienation, emotional issues and personality disorders, effective (and non-effective) communication tactics, long-term effects of anger, attachments and expectations, the importance of self-care, The System, coparenting, grief, parenting plans and even marriage itself. (And I’m not finished learning)

I love divorce because it’s a solution to a problem.  Our culture treats divorce like it’s a problem. It’s not. Unhappy marriages are a problem. Infidelity is a problem. Abuse is a problem. Divorce is a (potential) solution.

I love divorce because it opens a new door to freedom and creativity.  Separation marks the end of one thing, but also the beginning of something else. Once a couple determines that divorce is the appropriate solution to their problem, they are free to re-create their relationship and individual lives as they see fit.

I love divorce because many people don’t.  I must admit, I’m a bit of a contrarian. I root for the underdog. I love a good cause.

And finally, mostly, to sum it up…

I love divorce because I believe in a better way.  I believe in a world where couples don’t remain miserably married because they’re ashamed of the alternative; one where children don’t live with warring parents. I believe in a world where families remain open-hearted as they evolve, and onlookers remain open-minded while offering appropriate support.  I believe in a world full of divorce ceremonies, divorce gift registries and divorce expos. Because I believe in a world where divorce is an accepted event, commemorated by family-focused rituals (not mud-slinging court battles).

What about you?  Do you share my love?  Or maybe my vision? There’s a growing number of us.

 

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3 Comments

  1. Ah, I love this so much, Tara. You’ve pointed out so many important things about divorce! My favorite is “I love divorce because it’s a solution to a problem. ” So true! We tend to perceive it as a negative and it doesn’t have to be that way…and the lessons we learn!! Great post!

  2. What a wonderful commentary. In the midst of divorcing while pregnant and the mother of an under-one-year-old, I’m finding the process therapeutic and restorative – far from the trauma I was cautioned to expect. Collaborative divorce and co-parenting coaching sessions are helping, but the divorce itself is, just as you say, a solution to a problem. Thank you so much for writing this piece.

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