Who Built The Wall?

Yesterday, I hopped on Facebook and discovered this in my news feed:

“i am amazed that what hindered me from having the relationship that i always wanted was myself and all that i couldn’t see clearly. it opens my eyes to other areas where i feel like i can’t achieve what i dream of, feeling like i can’t find the source of the giant wall between me and my goals, and makes me swallow a little hard realizing that the wall-builder is me.”

The status update came from Tim and Christina Lewis of The Redesign Company and the verbiage is feedback from their clients.

I met Tim Lewis, a marriage coach, at my divorce coach training last year.  I admired his initiative he was there to gain perspective, to have a better understanding into the background of his clients who were on their second marriages.  He and Christina, an interior decorator, have been happily married for many years and together they help couples “redesign” their “home” (ie: relationship and physical surroundings).  If you live near Davidson, NC and are interested in such services, check them out:  lovecominghome.com or facebook.com/lovecominghome And, even if you aren’t close by, you might want to check them out anyway… if only to enjoy the photos and scan their blog.

What struck me about the above text is that it so personally reveals the epiphany that each of us has the power to obtain (or at least strongly influence) what we so deeply desire… and, if we aren’t successful, perhaps we’re doing something to thwart our own progress.  This applies to relationships as well as other goals in life.

In the arena of divorce and stepfamilies, it’s easy to get caught up in the drama and align against the ex or the ex’s family.  It’s comforting to take shelter behind an expensive and aggressive attorney.  It’s painless to dismiss someone as uncaring or incompetent simply because he/she is different.  But that kind of behavior establishes enemies and runs up the lawyer’s bill.  Indeed, it is the behavior that builds walls.

Looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for what’s wrong in our lives isn’t easy.  But quite often, it’s the only way to get back on track.