What is a Successful Marriage?

I used to think the general consensus was that a “successful marriage” meant the couple stayed together until parted by death. Perhaps that’s the most prevalent assumption, but it seems I was wrong in thinking timing was the primary definition of marital achievement. A few weeks ago, I was discussing marriage and divorce with a friend who believes our culture is too accepting of divorce. She told me that even people in her church family have divorced without social consequence in their community of worship. (I hypothesize the divorced might feel differently) “I think it’s really sad when people can’t […]

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If a Good Divorce is Possible, Why Not Stay Married?

I hear the question all the time, “Well, if two people can have an amicable divorce then why don’t they stay married?” I suppose it’s a reasonable question. In order to answer it, I ask that you take a mental voyage with me.  Let’s go to a playground full of frolicking children… It’s a hot, sunny day and a group of kids are having a discussion. Child #1 points to the sky.  “That cloud looks like a bowl of ice cream.” Child #2 exclaims, “I love ice cream!” Child #3, in a sing-songy voice, replies, “Then why don’t you marry it?” […]

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Marriage is a Womb. Divorce is a Birth.

Marriage is a womb.  Divorce is a birth. This metaphor has been taking form in my head for months… I figured it was time to write it down.  Have you ever considered it this way? In the beginning of a marriage, there is room to grow.  We are warm and protected and the environment is nourishing.  It’s fun… safe… soothing… and comforting to know that we are cared for by another. And then things change. Sometimes we feel too cramped and we reach out in search of greener pastures.  Other times we are extricated from the womb by unforeseen forces. […]

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Book: The Chump Lady Survival Guide to Infidelity

When I first visited the Chump Lady web site, I assumed Tracy Schorn was just another scorned and forever-bitter man-hater. But then I started digging deeper into the site. In her digital library, I found much wit, wisdom and profanity. I nodded, laughed and cried. And I decided to buy her book. The Chump Lady Survival Guide to Infidelity, How to Regain Your Sanity After You’ve Been Cheated On is a soft book. Literally. It’s not fuzzy, but the matte cover has a silky-smooth quality to it that I’ve yet to notice in other paperbacks. But I don’t think you should […]

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What About “Unconscious Coupling?”

I have to say, I’m ecstatic about Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s “conscious uncoupling”.  While the public reactions are mixed, the general buzz is wonderful.  As a culture, we NEED to talk more about this stuff.  Let’s keep it rolling please.  Let’s bring divorce out of the shadows and continue to discuss and dissect it.  It is, after all, a fact of life for millions. …But with all the existing coverage of the topic, I didn’t sit down today to write about conscious uncoupling (which is really just a fancy way of saying GOOD Divorce™).  Quite the opposite, in fact. […]

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