A few weeks ago, I watched the movie, The Vicious Kind. In a closing scene, an adulterous and alienating father stops short of confessing and apologizing to his youngest son. “Sometimes people do things that they know are wrong,” he began. “But they just do them anyway. Because to do the right thing would be too painful.” His explanation grabbed me and left me contemplating the words for days. It wasn’t entirely a new concept for me. For years, I’ve been touting the phrase, “hurting people hurt people.” But… this was… different. “To do the right thing would be too […]
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Self-Love and My Solo Vacation
I spent the first week of October on Cape Cod. Alone. And it was beyond wonderful. Unlike last year’s trip, which was haunted by fading (sometimes painful) memories of love-gone-wrong, this vacation was All About Me. I took advantage this freedom in a variety of ways…. I began most mornings with a barefoot sunrise stroll. I spent hours engrossed in oh-so-appropriate beach reading. Depending on what the weather was doing that day, I was tempted to break out the gorgeous modest swimwear pieces that I had bought for this very scenario. I wouldn’t want them to go […]
Continue readingBecause of My Divorce
I just realized, my wedding anniversary is this weekend. It’s hard to remember who I was all those years ago as I prepared to say “I do.” It’s hard to imagine who I’d be right now if things hadn’t turned out the way they did. Surely, I wouldn’t be writing this blog. And that causes me to reflect… Things I’ve done since my divorce that I (probably) would not otherwise have done: Bought a house (by myself) Finished my bachelor’s degree Became The Divorce Encouragist Became a divorce coach Got a Mac (and then another…) Learned to snowboard Wrote a book […]
Continue readingHealing the Individual
“I don’t like being told that I can ‘do better’. That’s not comforting; it’s insulting.” The words came from Stacy, a friend who recently ended a cohabitory (not a word, I know) relationship. The end had been forecast for some time, yet it still brought anger and tears when it came. The ache persisted beyond the moving-out process and the hole in Stacy’s life is still a painful reality. “If he’s so awful, that means I have bad taste,” she complained. “And what’s wrong with me that I spent so much time with someone who is so far beneath me?” […]
Continue readingSeparation and the Gift of Self
In the summer of 2006, my dad helped me set up a stereo in my post-marital-separation residence. The best thing about the stereo was that it featured a turntable, and I had plenty of old vinyl to spin. After making sure that everything was hooked up correctly, I dropped the needle onto Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here, then sat down on the floor (I had no furniture). When the music enveloped me, I released my body backward, onto the hardwood, and laughed out loud. I think my father worried that I was crying, but my emotion-of-the-moment was far from […]
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