My latest educational obsession is Nonviolent Communication (NVC). Since last November, I’ve attended several workshops, read a few books and joined a local practice group. I believe NVC can save the world. Marshall Rosenberg, PhD literally wrote the book about NVC. It’s called Nonviolent Communication, and the third edition is the one most recently made available. In the book, Rosenberg points out the ways humans typically (and non-effectively) communicate: often we don’t accurately separate our thoughts and feelings… we aren’t in touch with our needs… we make a lot of judgements and comparisons… we deny responsibility… According to Rosenberg, we […]
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Communication Breakdown (in the woods and in the world)
The following tale of communication breakdown isn’t about divorce. Except, it is. It’s also about all other relationships… Once upon a time, I went hiking with a group and became separated from one of my companions. When he didn’t meet the rest of us at the end of the trail, I backtracked, searching for him. I called his name. He didn’t answer. I walked faster. I searched harder. I called louder. No response. I was on the verge of panic when I heard him yell my name. “TARA?!” I darted in the direction of his voice. As I rounded a curve […]
Continue readingThe Real Reason for My Peaceful Divorce
My ex and I had a peaceful divorce; one full of cooperation, communication and compassion. It cost less than $400 and took only as much time as the state required. When I refer to my experience, some people dismiss me. After all, I’m the exception, not the norm. Most divorces are ugly and expensive because most exes are assholes. And I couldn’t understand that, because my ex is obviously a really great person, otherwise I would’ve had a more typical divorce. As I read about divorce I find more and more articles to help people identify and deal with various […]
Continue readingDivorce Resolutions
New Year’s offers everyone the opportunity to make a fresh start. With the stress of the holidays behind them, many unhappily married individuals will seek legal counsel in the coming year. It’s a big step that usually comes after months or years of utter misery. While the first step is often celebratory, we shouldn’t forget that The Road To a Decree can be long, windy and exhausting. Some personal rules, developed with a healthy ending in mind, can have a positive impact on the process. To those who have resolved to Start Over Without Him/Her in 2013, I’d like to suggest some additional resolutions, specific to your divorce…
Continue readingConflict Doesn’t (Have To) Mean “Carnage”
I once was told that children should be read lots of fairy tales. The idea is not to teach children that the Good Guys always win, but rather to teach them that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
After much consideration, I’ve decided I have a problem with this. The older I get, the less I believe in The Good Guys vs. The Bad Guys. It’s not always that simple. And, did you ever realize that *your side* is always the *good* side? I wonder if most of us understand that our opponents are just as certain that they’re the ones who are *right* (Religion is the easiest example. Divorce is another good one).
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