Get Close to Pain

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I write a lot about forgiveness and letting go because I believe these tactics are critical to bringing us through our pain. But today I want to write about pain itself, and why we all need to get close to pain. Getting close to pain is pretty much the last thing anyone wants to do. We humans avoid it in all kinds of clever ways. Perhaps we overindulge in food, drugs and sex. Or we might throw ourselves into the role of parent, friend, family member or employee, and in doing so we ignore who we are. We can also abstain from […]

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Valentine’s Day is Looming. Do You Care?

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In less than a week, it will be Valentine’s Day. Tis the season for roses, chocolates, stuffed animals, wine, champagne, poetry, candles, bubble baths, dinner reservations and selfie-happy social couples… Blah. I’m not a fan of romance. At least, not the prescribed consumer-based type of materialism that’s pushed this time of year. I’m a campfire-over-candlelight type of girl, but I wasn’t always. As a child, I bought into the hype of Valentine’s Day. I longed for the day when some handsome prince would give me a heart-shaped box of milk chocolate truffles. Beyond that, I forget the details of the […]

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The Sweet Spot (in Yoga and Divorce)

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Saturday morning, my yoga teacher kicked off our class with a discussion about Ganesh, the Hindu god with the elephant head. Ganesh is the God of New Beginnings (which is why I have a statue of him in my office), but my teacher honed in on a different aspect of Ganesh:  his love of sweets. “His trunk points to the bowl of sweets in his hand,” she told us. “Ganesh reminds us to search for the sweetness in life, to find that Sweet Spot.” I wondered if she would give us candy at the end of class, but I was […]

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Winter Storms and Divorce

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You could call the period following a divorce an “emotional winter”. I think it’s appropriate for several reasons:  the cold, the darkness, the difficulty in venturing outside. You might even say it’s hard to recognize those who were once familiar because they wear many layers and masks. Winter is a difficult season for many, and this past weekend Winter Storm Jonas made sure I wouldn’t forget that. But Jonas brought more than strong winds and impassable roads. The storm (like a separation) brought gifts as well… First (for many of us), there was the non-option of staying inside. The heavy […]

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Why Do I Love Divorce?

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I’ve made the statement several times over the years:  “I love divorce!” My words are typically met with raised eyebrows and nervous laughter. It’s not unusual for people to tell me how unusual they find my declaration to be. And inevitably, someone will ask me (through a pained expression), “Why?” There are a few reasons…   I love divorce because it’s been a positive factor in my life.  When my parents got divorced, my life improved.  When I got divorced, my life improved.  Neither of those divorces was excessively painful nor costly. I love divorce because it’s a fascinating topic.  […]

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