Thanksgiving And Divorce

From the time I was very young, my closest extended family members were a minimum two-hour drive away.  With the exception of vacations, I saw them only on holidays and special occasions. Before my parents divorced, we had a routine for this time of year:  Thanksgiving was always spent with my dad’s family, and we alternated Christmases between my mom’s and dad’s families. After the divorce, I assumed my holiday schedule would remain the same, and it did.  For me, keeping the same routine was important for two reasons: In the beginning, there was a comfort in keeping the same […]

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Your Heart… Is Something.

I was 544 words into another blog post when I stumbled across this plan-altering video.  To summarize:  in less than 3 minutes, a little girl explains to her mother why her parents should be friends. She doesn’t simply say, “Don’t fight.”  She puts forth the most heartfelt logic to back up her request: “My heart… is something.  Everyone else’s heart is something too.” Her words touched my heart.  Although this child was requesting that her parents lower the height of their conflict, her reasoning extends far beyond domestic disagreements. After watching the video, I thought about my neighbors.  I thought […]

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Communication Breakdown (in the woods and in the world)

The following tale of communication breakdown isn’t about divorce.  Except, it is.  It’s also about all other relationships… Once upon a time, I went hiking with a group and became separated from one of my companions.  When he didn’t meet the rest of us at the end of the trail, I backtracked, searching for him.  I called his name.  He didn’t answer.  I walked faster.  I searched harder.  I called louder.  No response.  I was on the verge of panic when I heard him yell my name.  “TARA?!”  I darted in the direction of his voice.  As I rounded a curve […]

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What Your Ex Can Teach You… About You

I’ve long stated that speaking badly about your ex only reflects negatively on you.  And that’s still true:  if you spend lots of time and energy painting your ex as a wholly no-good, dirty-down, stayin’-out-late cocker spaniel… well then, you’ll have to admit you’re the one who committed yourself to a dog.  Isn’t it better for your own ego to (at least publicly)  focus on the positive attributes of the cocker spaniel? That said, there is something to be gained by examining the flaws of an ex.  But it’s not your personal power and self-confidence, it’s a deeper understanding of yourself.  […]

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Let’s Talk About Failed Marriages

If you listen, you’ll hear a lot of talk about failed marriages.  But what’s the real topic in such discussions?  The answer is divorce. Divorce is indicative of a failed marriage (at least for those who choose to use such terminology), but the truth is the marriage failed long before a divorce was set in motion.  Yet nobody talks about those failures because the marriage is still “intact.” Marriage ceremonies feature sacred vows which are supposed to bind two people to each other for as long as they both shall live.  In most cases, some version of “til death do […]

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