Marriage is Work

“Marriage is work.” We hear the words all the time (as if to suggest those who divorce aren’t working hard enough). As a result of the comparison, I often liken marriage to a job:  first you have to prove yourself worthy, then you get hired and everyone rejoices because a vacancy has been filled.  There is hope and optimism that the team will move forward and accomplish great things together. You have to show up every day, even when you don’t exactly feel like it. You have to use the skills you have as well as learn new ones as […]

Continue reading

The Ballad of My First Car (and marriage)

My first car was a 1989 Chevy Corsica, and her name was Cecilia. I named her (as I do all my vehicles) after a song. In the beginning, Cecilia was mostly blue, but her defective paint peeled off in strips, leaving large patches of gray primer. Due to a couple minor accidents, she also sported a silver bumper and one of her 4 doors was red. The red door had manual controls where the others had powered buttons. A few months into our relationship, my dad painted Cecilia black and gave her a red pinstripe. As a finishing touch, I […]

Continue reading

What is a Successful Marriage?

I used to think the general consensus was that a “successful marriage” meant the couple stayed together until parted by death. Perhaps that’s the most prevalent assumption, but it seems I was wrong in thinking timing was the primary definition of marital achievement. A few weeks ago, I was discussing marriage and divorce with a friend who believes our culture is too accepting of divorce. She told me that even people in her church family have divorced without social consequence in their community of worship. (I hypothesize the divorced might feel differently) “I think it’s really sad when people can’t […]

Continue reading

Did S/he Cheat? Does it Matter?

Several years ago I had the feeling my partner was having an affair.  When I questioned him, he told me I was crazy, insecure and possessive.  During that period of our relationship, he did a lot of screaming while I did a lot of crying. Did he cheat on me?  I couldn’t prove it, and he insisted he was innocent, so I stayed in the relationship. Since then, I’ve heard many similar stories from people who desperately want to believe the best about their partners.  Sometimes they justify, “it was only an emotional affair.”  Sometimes they fall back on The […]

Continue reading

What if We Did Marriage Like We Do Divorce?

According to the letter of the law, marriage and divorce are much the same:  it all boils down to a legal document. That being said, let’s imagine what life would be like if we treated the marriage process the same way we do the divorce process… “Hi, I’m Max Attorney,” the man introduced himself. Annabelle reached out and shook his hand.  “Nice to meet you.  I’m Annabelle Engaged.”  She followed Max into a spacious office and took a seat in front of his mahogany desk. “Now,” Max began.  “What brings you here today?” Annabelle cleared her throat and straightened her […]

Continue reading