Divorce Vows

Moving on… letting go…

It’s been nearly three years since the first time I wrote about divorce ceremonies.  I still haven’t given up hope that this ritual will one day be a normal part of our culture— especially given the existence of companies such as A NEW DAWNe.

Earlier in the week, I found this quote from Mahatma Gandhi and I shared it on my Facebook page:

“I offer you peace. I offer you love. I offer you friendship. I see your beauty. I hear your need. I feel your feelings.”

When I posted it, I suggested that the words could easily be vows in a divorce ceremony.  The proposal spawned a bit of a debate.

Since then, I’ve been thinking more about divorce ceremonies and the words that might be spoken under such circumstances.  While I think it would be wonderful if both parties could participate in such an event, I realize that’s not possible for many couples.  Still, a ceremony could be held in which one person releases the other and re-commits to him/herself.  Regardless of who is present, what vows might be uttered?  I’ve come up with a list of possibilities…

  • I remember you.
  • I forgive you.
  • I release you.
  • I offer you respect.
  • I wish you happiness.
  • I hold goodwill in my heart for you.
  • I honor our love.
  • I accept this loss.
  • I treasure this new beginning.
  • I recognize you in our child(ren)
  • I offer you support in parenting our child(ren)
  • I honor myself and my journey.
  • I commit to self-care.
  • I will be the best *me*.
  • I will remain compassionate.

 

What do you think?  Any more one-liners?  Any special poems/readings that you think would be appropriate for the occasion?  How about music (like, I Will Always Love You) to commemorate this bend in the road?

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8 Comments

  1. Pingback: Pathways to Peace « The Enchanting Adventure

  2. How about “I’m so sad since you left me, it’s almost like, you’re still here.”

    Perhaps I’m still too bitter for this sort of cap stone ceremony.

    http://www.azaleacityrecordings.com/Sampler2LinerNotes/ACR%20Sampler%20HTML/ArtistsPages/Ruthie.html

    I like the idea, I have to say – I’ve been pro-gay marriage but anti-divorce theologically, yet here I am getting divorced, and I find my feelings of shame and failure and loss to be something I’d like official reassurance about. (My priest did come by and comment, “I’m so sorry, been there, done that.” which was reassuring.)

    • I find the “shame” part to be especially sad. Divorce doesn’t make one a bad person… it’s just another thing in life that happens. And sometimes it’s for the best.

  3. The shame and failure and loss I feel are on behalf of my children. They feel pain every day because they can’t live with their mother and their father, all together in one house, the way it used to be. They’ll never understand why their father did what he did. They see him very infrequently now.

    • So sorry to hear there’s been no positive changes with regard to your ex. No doubt, this was a tremendous loss for your kids. Lots of opportunity to learn, right? Hopefully your children will grow up to find some understanding, peace and forgiveness for their father… and, hopefully he’ll grow up as well- to someday reach out and try to heal the wounds.

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