Put Her Down; Let It Go

Back in my days of being a pseudo-stepmom, I used to read a lot of bedtime stories.  One of my favorites came from a book called Zen Shorts, by Jon J. Muth.  It went something like this…

Once upon a time an old monk and a young monk were walking past a wealthy woman standing next to a large mud puddle.  The woman’s servants were moving her bags and therefore nobody was available to carry her across the water.  As she stood there, complaining, the older monk walked up to her and picked her up.  He put her on his back, walked across the puddle and set her down on the other side.  It was a quick and speechless maneuver.

Several miles down the road, the young monk was still ruminating over the incident.  “That woman was so rude,” he began. “You were kind enough to carry her across the water, and she didn’t even thank you!”

“I put that woman down hours ago,” the old monk reminded the young one. “Why are you still carrying her?”

I love that story.  It gives me goosebumps and causes me to pause every time I recall it.  (So much wisdom is contained within children’s bedtime stories.)

During tumultuous times in life, the natural tendency is to hold on to whatever you can.  In a desperate attempt to stabilize ourselves amidst the spinning, we cling to a lot of unpleasant things.  We identify our selves with our anger.  We replay hurtful events and try to find out why.  We assign negative labels to others in an (unconscious, mostly) effort to soothe our own bruised egos.  Sometimes we get clever and fool ourselves into thinking we’re recognizing something good (“I have great kids!”), but it’s really just another way of clinging (“They are MY kids and I am their only worthy parent!!!”).

Does it work?  Sure.  Sort of.  For a little while.  Eventually, though, we find ourselves way down the road on a bright and sunny day.  The birds are chirping, the flowers are fragrant and the sky is a magnificent shade of blue.  Happy sounds are all around… except for that voice which continues to chatter:  “I’m so pissed!” or  “Maybe it was because Mary Jo put onions in the soup …” or  “That blankety-blank-blank-blank doesn’t deserve this kind of beautiful day!”

In the beginning, it feels good to grasp whatever we can.  But in the end, holding on ensures that we remain stuck:  stuck in our ugly emotions or bad habits  Holding on keeps us from participating in the present moment and realizing the awesome beauty of the Now.  It magnifies the dark and blinds us to the light.  In divorce, it de-humanizes the person we need to work most closely with.  In short:  holding on isn’t worth it.  Let it go.

There are always unpleasant times when we need to carry a complaining woman across a mud puddle.  When it’s time to set her down, we’ll be much better served to leave her behind as we move on.  It’s true what they say:  “You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist”.  In fact, there’s a lot you can’t do with a clenched fist…

I’m considering this as a tattoo… but, I’ve been cautioned that the palm is a bad place for permanent ink.

 

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4 Comments

  1. This is such a great insight. Specially because as we are going through the tumult of it it all, we don’t even notice we hold on to the bad emotions/habits. This is the kind of story we need to keep repeating to ourselves over and over until we can conquer not living in the past, but the present, with a plan for the future…

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