I should go ahead an apologize to the moms right now: I’m sorry this week’s posts are so anti-female. I do realize the Bad Guy can be of either gender.
That being said, the next inflammatory remark I’d like to comment on is this one:
“[Mom] was willing to let [Dad] have [child] every other weekend, but that wasn’t good enough for him. [Dad] is making it an ugly divorce because he won’t agree and now they’ll probably end up in court.”
Like I said yesterday, divorce does not grant either parent the title of “Dictator”. So why does Mom think the custody arrangement is up to her? Who is she to say how much time Dad is “allowed” to have? And why is Dad being vilified for wanting to spend more time with his offspring? (Are these the same Moms who complained while married that Dad didn’t do enough to help out with the kids?)
The fact is that children have a right to see their parents. Both of their parents. And interfering with that is wrong. (Trying not to launch into a rant about PAS…) Again, Mom and Dad should work together to determine the best scheduling options (check out Jessica Bram’s essay “Coffee With The Enemy”).
Are there any Teen Mom fans reading this? At one point during Season 2 (I don’t follow the show, but I’ve seen some episodes), Maci tells Ryan, “I’d like to keep you from Bentley, but I can’t keep him from you.” That’s a pretty mature conclusion… especially for such a young mother.
Do you suppose it has anything to do with the great preponderence of custody cases being awarded to women in the 1st place (and the awarding of child support as a result–the financial incentive to “want” the kids as well)….and, again, the projection of power and control over someone and something that they don’t really have control over anymore (technically).
My guess is it has everything to do with that.
Shouldn’t people be smart enough to rise above the Game and see the bigger picture?
Thank you for the shout out, Tara! I appreciate your mention of my book Happily Ever After Divorce: Notes of a Joyful Journey, which includes the piece you mentioned called “Coffee with the Enemy”. I read your blog regularly and enjoy it. It is intelligent and insightful.
Thanks, Jessica! Your book is one of my favorites.
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I think Jeff is on point. At least in Georgia, it is expected that the mother is sole custody provider and unless disputed, is automatically awarded. In my personal case it was purely financial.