Who Files?

I filed for my divorce. I found the process to be quite empowering. I loved seeing my name listed as the “Plaintiff” on the paperwork. I was ecstatic to receive the official decree with a gold seal instead of the notarized copy sent to the “Defendent”.

A few weeks ago, I spoke to a friend who was getting ready to begin his divorce. We discussed the filing process and he told me that he didn’t feel the need to file. I was surprised, since he was the one who truly needed the divorce. He told me, “I’m taking away her dream of the Perfect Life. I don’t mind letting her have the satisfaction of telling people that she got rid of me.”

Does this aspect matter to anyone else? And if so, how do you view it?

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Posted in divorce.

11 Comments

  1. Awesome!! Celebrate!! I think we filed at the same time, or together, or I don’t know. Is it weird that I don’t remember the details and it was just under a year ago?!

  2. We filed as co-petitioners. My husband didn’t want to hire an attorney (he did eventually) so I had my attorney draw up the initial petition and we both signed it.

    Through all my interviews, I’ve learned that who files for divorce is not a good indicator of who wants the divorce or who initiated it. Princess Diana filed for divorce (I think) and I remember her saying she never wanted the divorce. I didn’t understand it at the time but do now.

    I’m telling Buck$ome Boomer’s story on my blog at the moment and in today’s post she talks about how she filed for divorce even though her husband initiated it. She said it gave her some sense of control over something she didn’t want at the time.

    • In my case,we couldn’t both file. I can see how filing would feel good to someone who doesn’t want the divorce. It makes sense to take control of the situation rather than let it “happen to you”.

  3. Not sure how the “other side” feels. My ex filed though he claims it’s not what he wanted. My divorce has been the hardest thing I have ever faced and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I don’t know if this was more so because I was the “defendant” or not. I think it is sad to get any satisfaction over being the one who filed. Whether you filed or not, divorce is an enormous loss. I think my ex was surprised at how affected he was being that he was the one that filed. I know he certainly thought it was the answer to his unhappiness. I’m not sure if he regrets his decision. He would never admit it if he did.

    • It’s true that divorce is an enormous loss. And there’s always some sadness involved. For me, though, my divorce was a chance for me to take charge of my life. I shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place, so it was a way of correcting that mistake. And it’s true that I lost a lot in the process, but the things I gained carry more weight.

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