Who Should I Blame For My Divorce?
- Are my mom and dad at fault? Because: “The children of divorced parents are prone to divorcing 4 times more than the children of couples who are not divorced.”
- Should I blame my divorced friend, Jim? Since “divorce is contagious”
- How about that tramp who wooed my husband? Everyone knows infidelity is a common cause of divorce .
- If my second marriage fails, can I blame my first spouse? It’s no secret that the divorce rate for second marriages is higher than that for first marriages.
- What about the area where I was raised? “Conservative” states have a higher divorce rate.
Numbers are fun, aren’t they? Statistics give us an excuse to say “I beat the odds!” or “The odds are stacked against me”. As a student of divorce, I love the stats. As a divorcee, I loathe them.
I’m an individual human being and my personal life cannot be summed up with percentages. My emotions can’t be converted to decimals and my reasoning doesn’t relate to reports. I resent being categorized and assigned to a common trajectory based on factors which, in many cases, I have no control over.
For me, divorce wasn’t a virus that I caught from the guy in the next cubicle. It wasn’t a trait I inherited from my parents. It was the result of a conscious decision, reached after years of consideration. I filed for divorce because I wanted to stop pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I longed to sleep late on Sundays. I preferred to share my bed with large dogs. I filed because I believed it was for the best, and it was.
My journey; my choice. Statistically speaking, my satisfaction rating is off-the-charts.
RE: blaming your parents
I once heard this sentiment expressed by a comedian (I think), and I’ve taken it to heart and repeated it often: there is a statute of limitations on blaming your parents for what goes wrong in your life. A few years after you leave (their) home? Sure, you can say whatever’s wrong with you is your folks fault for not raising you right, or being too lenient, or being too strict. But once you turn 30, you’ve had enough time to make your life in your own image. If your life sucks at that point… it’s not because of your parents. It’s you.
🙂
Very true!