I Met The Stepsister

I mentioned last month that my mom moved in with her husband-to-be.  I don’t think I mentioned the fact that he has a college-age daughter who lives at home.  My mom is going to be a stepmother.  My sister and I are getting a stepsister.  For real this time.

For several years after my parents separated, my father cohabited with a woman who had a daughter.  The daughter and I became very close friends and although we weren’t officially stepsisters, she felt like family.  We shared a bedroom, a bathroom and took vacations together.  Our lives were intertwined by the living arrangements of our parents.

But that was a long time ago.  And this whole “stepsister” thing has a completely different impact on my life at this stage of the game.  Initially, Mom and Husband-To-Be wanted all of us to get together so “we kids” could meet each other.  But that just feels weird… like, I can picture Mom and HTB being all googly-eyed with each other and gazing expectantly at their adult children like we should all run outside and play together.  Or something.

So I suggested to my sister that we take on Operation Introduction like adults and leave our parents out of it.  She agreed and I proceeded to Facebook (I can’t believe that’s a verb now) Future Stepsister.  We decided to meet for dinner with our boyfriends (our parents are getting married and we’re all living in sin with no plans of engagement) halfway between our residences- about a 50 minute drive.

Introductions were awkward (So, this is the spawn of that person who is sleeping with my parent).  Dinner conversation was a bit strained for everyone except Boyfriend and FS’s boyfriend; they seemed to feel the least amount of weirdness.  When the food was gone and the bill was settled (I paid, since I was the one who set the whole thing up) we ambled to the parking lot with intentions of getting in our vehicles and driving away.  But that’s when the conversation began to flow more naturally.  The “boys” and the “girls” split into different groups and spoke effortlessly about a multitude of topics for about an hour.  And then it was dark and late and we all had places to be in the morning, so we said our good-byes.  We didn’t make plans to meet at the mall next weekend.  Nobody asked to borrow anyone else’s clothes.  Instead, we closed with “It was nice to meet you,” “Have a safe trip home,” and finally “See you at the wedding.”

Operation Introduction is complete.  And now what?  Not much.  As stated, we’ll see FS at the wedding and beyond that…. Well, we’ll see.  The Blended Family takes on a whole new form when the “children” are old enough to have their own children.  Maybe we’ll see each other on holidays… the occasional cookout, perhaps?  It’s hard to say.  I plan to blog it as it unfolds.

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  1. Sounds like you handled this well. I like the way you realized what the best way for you was, to meet her…that you got in touch with what would be comfortable for you, and for the sister in law, instead of just going with what your mom suggested.

    It reminds me somewhat of how I finally decided to handle the awkward situation of my ex dating my neighbor (and this isn’t regular suburbia, this is co-housing so she’s a community member.) This has been very uncomfortable for me for many months. Today I did something about it, and I gave thought not only to what would make me comfortable in creating a meeting with my neighbor, but also what would be comfortable for both of us.

    Here’s the post about it:

  2. Well done for being the one to reach out but you don’t know where the relationship will lead. I have two step-siblings – my father remarried after my mum died but since I live on a different continent and my father has now passed away, I’m not sure where that leaves me with me my step-mum or step-siblings…

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